Adventures in shopping at Target

DISCLAIMER: I come across as judgemental and slightly bitchy in the following blog. Read at your own risk.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love Target. I am a Target snob. I very rarely have anything slightly interesting happen. Except constantly being out of Fage yogurt, which kinda pisses me off, because then I have to make a trip to the health food store and spend even more money. I really don't even get to people watch, because for the most part, the Target shoppers are just pretty mellow, the aisles are wide enough to pass people and not get bumped into, and it's always clean. I think that having a Starbucks inside the store is a big factor, because people enjoy walking around with a latte while shopping for their goods. Today's trip to Target was a little more enjoyable.

First, I was approached by an interesting fellow with such a heavy accent that I didn't really understand his English very well. I started off a little creeped out because he seemed to be following me down the first two aisles of the store. As he approached me, I noticed we were alone in the aisle, but I knew I could outrun him if need be, because he was walking with a limp. All these paranoid thoughts running through my mind... and all he wanted to know was where he might find almond paste. Really? Almond paste? I didn't know such a thing even existed. I'm obviously not much in the kitchen. I felt bad because I really couldn't help him, and it was the least I could do after being so paranoid inside my head. I did, however, find a jar of raw almonds and throw them in my buggy.

So, the next thing I notice is this woman... I'm seeing her from behind, and I'm thinking she's pretty thin. And I'm thinking she's wearing leggings and a one shoulder top... at one in the afternoon... browsing the aisles in Target. I instantly wondered how old of a woman she was. Twenties? Thirties? I'm in my thirties, and even if I dropped 20 pounds, I would never wear that. As soon as I got the chance to see her face, I guessed she was in her 40's. Maybe even 50's with a little work. She definitely looked like a woman who would spend a small fortune at the doctor's office. I immediately wanted to nominate her for What Not To Wear. I kept thinking if Stacey London turned the corner and saw this woman, her jaw would drop. Okay, okay, so the best part... I get behind her again a few aisles over, and holy smokes... her leggings are going so far up her ass, it's unreal. Surely she must've wanted to pull those out. It was as if someone had given her an atomic wedgie. I'm just saying, it did not look comfortable. And if you're wearing leggings, wear a shirt that's long enough to cover your rear end.

Finally. The best part about shopping in the middle of the week, late afternoon, is that there is no crowd and I always get a rocking parking spot. Today was no exception. I'm one car over from having front row parking. It's awesome. So, as I'm walking to my car, unlocking the back to load up my groceries, I see a shiny little VW bug slowing down to check out my spot. Now mind you, I have a whole buggy to unload, and then I have to take my cart to the cart holder thingie. I'm thinking surely they won't wait for this spot. Not when there is a spot on the other side of the car next to me. Yes, that's right... there is a spot TWO CARS DOWN! Not to mention, there were about four spots behind me, that were maybe a whole ten feet away. News flash: if you are handicapped and physically unable to walk a long distance, perhaps you should seek medical attention, and find out about obtaining one of those nifty little handicapped parking decals. If you do not have a physical ailment, you are so freaking lazy! You are what's wrong with society today. I should've sat in my car for a few minutes and listened to music.

Ooh - venting feels good. Another thing... I forgot to buy Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. I really need ice cream, too.